Thursday, March 27, 2014

Why I Had to Stop Dating... Reason # 2

Something I continually found myself doing, was pushing away from anyone that tried to tell me what to do. Authority... No thank you. Especially when it came to stopping me from getting something I wanted. Here is my second reason why I had to stop dating.

"Mind your own business!" - Pride, Rebellion, & Arrogance

There was a family that took me in after I first became a Christian. This was family of believers, with a loving father and a gracious mother, that offered to help protect me, provide for me, and love me. I saw the fruit of their labor and could tell they had a deep love and trust in Jesus. So when they offered to protect my heart, I quickly obliged.

Not soon after that, I met Derek. My first crush since becoming a Christian. I had no idea God had an intentional plan that covered me so my relationship with Derek would be full of honesty, transparency, and wise and biblical boundaries set by leadership, who have all been there and done that. Now I know that this was beautifully designed by a God who so deeply loves us and knows us. His goal was not to keep us from having "fun", but encourage us in truth, build relationships with substance, and know each other purely and deeply. Although at the time I was fine with being honest with them because I quickly learned that what I talked to Derek about should be things I wouldn’t be embarrassed to share with this family. But boundaries? Really?

 My thoughts were, "Umm, excuse me, but I'm a grown woman (I was 19 at the time). Don't tell me I can't be alone in the car, late at night, with the man that I want to marry. Don't tell me it's not a good idea to go off by myself with him whenever I want and do whatever I want to. And don't tell me that talking to him after 11 pm on my cell phone will most likely lead to immodest discussions. Come on! I'm a Christian. I got this."

I eventually told them off all together and cut ties so I didn't have to obey their rules. Not too long after that, I entered into sexual sin with Derek. We were good at first and even set agreed defined boundary lines between us, but in the heat of the moment, there was no stopping us. I seriously thought I was in control. But we wanted to fulfill our desires more than we wanted to honor God by trusting leadership's experienced wisdom and wait to indulged until we were in covenant. We added so much unnecessary heartache to our relationship that could have been avoided by obedience and trust.

Having someone, that has a marriage that you wouldn't mind mirroring, walk with you openly and honestly through dating is incredibly loving and very wise. They will be able to discern abusive behavior, unreasonable expectations, and sin. There is so much beauty in biblical boundaries. I urge you! If you are in a relationship, be in community.

I mean, come on! We are talking about obeying the Creator of everything, including sex. You don't think he would know how things work best? I don't know about you, but I don't just want great sex in my marriage, I want a meaningful, intensional relationship.
Thankfully, God's grace has kept us and has healed us where sin had harmed us. Your situations isn't any different. Ask him to do the same.

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