Dear 13 year-old Courtney,

We need to talk. I know you really don't like reading but I wanted to share some wisdom with you. Mind you, I'm you only a couple years further down the line, so that should scare you enough to keep reading...

First off, DO NOT TRY TO PIERCE YOUR TONGUE BY YOURSELF AT YOUR FRIEND'S HOUSE! That's stupid! Just because a couple of rebellious thirteen year olds in a movie did it, does not mean you should try. It's going to hurt and you're going to pass out. Yeah, you pass right out when you look in the mirror and see that SEWING needle in your tongue! Need I mention it doesn't even work in the end. Please. Just don't.

Secondly, love your family. Yes, I called them your family. Despite everything that has happened, no amount of distance and ignoring them makes them any less your family. Take advantage of your placement with them now because you never know when they will choose to cut off all communication with you or worse, leave this earth forever. Cherish them.

Hey, slow down. Enjoy the ride. The point of all of this isn't to get to the end of the road. It's the journey. There's alot to look at, tons of memories, laughter, cakes, storms, flat-tires, emergency room visits, and alot of the people. Soak it all in. Let that Texas-Tornado, survival-mode mind of yours slow down and smell the flowers, because you're missing them! It's a beautiful world that the Lord has created for us to enjoy and develop. Yeah, it can be pretty painful and at times dreadfully heart-breaking, but all of that draws you closer to Him, in whom we find peace, comfort, and restoration.

Speaking of Him, I want to tell you something. 

(Oh, I know you think you know who I am talking about. You've heard His name and have heard stuff folks around you have said about him, but that doesn't mean you know him. I want to remind you of all the times you were misrepresented by things that people said about you and they based their entire opinion of you solely on hear-say. Pretty frustrating, right?! You really don't know a person until they have revealed themselves to you and actually spend some time allowing you to really get to know them. So, hear me out.) 

You're angry. I get it and it's okay to be angry. He's going to help you in that area, and one of the first things He is going to give you is forgiveness. Then He is going to tell you to give it to others, even the undeserving ones. I know that that is the last thing you want to give because it makes you feel weak and vulnerable, and truthfully you want everyone to pay for what they've done to you. Let Jesus, the creator of everything, be your vindicator and the judge.

Soon, sweet girl, you are going to realize that Jesus has given you forgiveness for everything. Yes, I said, forgiveness for everything. No, you did nothing to deserve it, actually you didn't deserve it at all. This forgiveness was driven, given, and initiated by Love. I want you to look up 1 John 4:8. Now, reread that last sentence.

God loves you.

This love is not like anything you have ever experienced. He cares for you. He was with you and wept with you as you went through what you did. You are His and He is yours. This makes no sense right now and that's okay, but soon after experiencing this for yourself, He is going to enable you to forgive the people you never thought you could. 

Courtney, you have been forgiven. You are loved. You are chosen. I know you may not think you need it right now because you're "a pretty good person," but you will soon see that you are in desperate need of a Savior and you need forgiveness. He is the source of all things and he gives it to you not based on your performance, but freely. Live for His glory. There is so much joy there. That is where your identity is found, in Jesus.

Sincerely,

(You in 12 years.)

Dating One Last Time - Part 1

Marriage is so beautiful. Emotionally, physically, and mentally you are bearing your naked self to this other person you have entered in to covenant with. Yes, they see it all. All of your strengths, scars, the sin, and even the flabby parts. You give yourself fully to them and they to you. Covenant is so amazing because it allows a place of safety, truth without reserve, and sweet blessing. When you enter into covenant, you give up the “right” to walk out, when stuff gets hard, when you’re not happy, or the emotions don’t seem to be there anymore. Like the gospel of Jesus, he gives us his all and he wants all of us. No tiny “hidden” parts all to ourselves, no! He wants our whole being.

When it came time to end a dating relationship, I pretty much always seemed to have always bitten off a little more than I could chew emotionally.

I wanted the covenant blessings without the covenant commitments. If they hurt me, I wanted to be able to bounce!

 

It's so hard changing your daily routines when it consisted of hours of talking on the phone about God knows what. All the times I would ditch my friends just so I could constantly be with this person. Then add on the abrupt rejection from this person whom I made my world. I really just wanted their friendship and now neither of us was able to step back from the position of going "too far.” I lost a lot of potentially good friendships due to my self-centered worldview and fear.

Not all "exclusive" relationships were or ended up being horrible. Some just weren't necessary. They were friendships that should have stayed friendships. Maybe it’s just me, but I found it to be crazy rare to get back to the friends only zone after I became "facebook official."

While dating recklessly, I wasn't planning on getting married anytime soon and definitely not to this person. So why did I so desperately want to have the girlfriend and boyfriend status? I seemed to love to build the substance less intimacy and wanted to be desired. I loved to reach out in the dark to see what I could find and take it as mine. Sorrowfully, I hurt a lot of people along the way.

Here are a couple things that helped me, by God's grace, date well and, thankfully, one last time.

"Will you be my friend? Check yes or no."
“A friend loves at all times.” - Proverbs 17:17

Friendship is an important foundational piece in a healthy relationship. In this area, there is a closeness that is formed just by getting to know the other person without ulterior motives. There is a trust that is given and is shaped through trials and experiences in this platonic arena. “When a friend rebukes you, that rebuke can be trusted.” - Proverbs 27: 6

Getting hurt is hard. It’s hard to forgive, it’s hard to let go, and it’s hard not to assume that everyone else is just the same as that person was. Even friendships can go sour.

One thing I want you to take away from this: In all relationships you are dealing with (just like you) a sinful person. They will hurt you, sometimes unintentionally, which you will hurt them too. They will let you down, they may forget your birthday, or they will be gone when you feel you need them the most. Just as you will do the same to them. But if you are in relationship with Jesus, you have experienced forgiveness. Forgiveness that you did not earn or deserve. And now we are told to share that same mercy with those around us. Yes, even the ones who may not seem to deserve it. We are given the gift of repentance (the ability given by God to turn from wrongful, unlawful, or harmful doing), so we can be reconciled with God and those around us. So please, do not shut yourself off from relationships because of past hurts. Ask the Lord to heal you and help you connect with his body once more, unafraid of hurt and trial, but excited about his mission and glory. Ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to share the mercy, love, and forgiveness you have experienced with him to others.